So where to start...

....well I suppose I ought to have started this blog back in 2010 which is when it all started and will give you a quick re-cap of my situation thus far.

We (my partner and I) decided in September 2010 that we would try for a baby, it just seemed right and we felt that even though our relationship was only 11 months old it was what we wanted to do. Now whether it was the fact he was about to go off to war, who knows. I suppose it's the fear that you may never return, for a man that is and that your seed needed to be sown so that you can say at least you had made your mark. Up until this point and before I met my other half or (OH as he will be referred too), I had not one single intention to have any children but I suppose that frigging ticking clock going ...tick...tock didn't help matters. I was 38yrs old and knew I was loosing my chance pretty fast. It's just ironic the time I actually found a man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with happened so late in life. 

The timing wasn't perfect and we had discussed trying as soon as possible before he was whisked away for the next 7 months of my life. In the full 7 months I saw him for two weeks rest and relaxation, which sadly happened two weeks before he was due to fly home. If your over 35yrs your supposed to try for 6 months before you go to your doctor and a year if younger but as I found after he came home, I didn't see him much in 2011 either. After his tour, he went home (He's from another country) for a month, came back and more or less was shipped off to cyprus to train another division of the army on combat skills. In all I counted between September 2010 - September 2011, I saw him one month in total. That wasn't a complete month either as most times he would be home a couple of days before he was gone again. Not brilliant for baby making skills. He finally was home on and off (as in home based) from November 2011 onwards. So our now 6 months had vamooshed and we had to start again.

Till this point all my internal organs on the baby making front were fine, the last two operations I had confirmed it was all in good working order. Then disaster struck, In February 2012 I was rushed into hospital with suspected appendicitis. This is when my world turned upside down!!! 

A Seed Short of a Fruit..........

....A seed short of a fruit is like having a crumb short of a biscuit or a screwdriver short of a toolbox. It's the something missing that makes life complete and perfect. For something to be whole you would want these missing parts and this blog is dedicated to my thought process as I find my way through fertility. That being said the common word is infertility but that sounds somewhat trivial.

"If I Could" - Barbara Streisand

If I Could
I'd protect you from the sadness in your eyes
give you courage in a world of compromise
yes I would
If I could
I would teach you all the things I've never learned
and I'd help you cross the bridges that I've burned
yes I would
if I could
I would try to shield your innocence from time
but the part of life I gave you isn't mine
I've watched you grow
so I could let you go
if I could
I would help you make it through the hungry years
but I know that I can never cry your tears
but I would
if I could
if I live in a time and place where you don't want to be
you don't have to walk along this road with me
my yesterday won't have to be your way
if I knew
how I'd try to change the world I brought you to
and there isn't very much that I can do
but I would
if I could
if I could
I would try to shield your innocence from time
but that part of life I gave you isn't mine
I watched you grow so I could let you go
if, if I could
I would help you make it through those hungry years
but I know that I can never cry your tears
but I would
if I could
yes I would
yes I would
if I could